On Twitter, men that wield a particular animus against Black women are sometimes derogatively called “ nigcels.” I had to find out how the language of “chads” and “hypergamy,”-both terms I associated with white men on the internet, the latter a claim that women only date men of higher social status-had mapped onto the world of Black men. For months, I had seen similar words and themes being used on social media. The sirens clanging in my head throughout this entire ordeal bleated out one word over and over again: incel. It was like the trolls I saw skulking around the edges of Black Twitter had jumped up from under their technicolor bridges and wandered directly into my dating life. ![]() That last part came after I “revealed” that I am a feminist, something he told me was usually a complete non-starter for him. King explained that I was behaving in a masculine way when I invited him to meet me for a date (instead of waiting for him to ask me), claimed it was a biological fact that in any romantic relationship someone (who’s cisgender and male, of course) needed to dominate the other, and feminism was a force that had only served to divide the Black community and alienate Black men. In the end, my date (let’s call him King) and I talked for nearly three hours. His previous mentions of “pair bonded,” “high-value men,” and “dominant masculinity” all sounded ominously familiar as well. About an hour earlier, when the evening started going downhill, I began writing down the words I didn’t understand but knew I’d heard before. It’s an observable fact,” my date declared matter-of-factly as we stared at each other across the abyss of Zoom.
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